Confessions of A Retail Employee

Good evening, my sugar plum fairies! Now that finals are over, I can get back to you lovely people. Now that finals are over, I can say that I am finished with 1/8th of my undergraduate career. Of course, after undergrad I have another 6 or so years. But hey, as Oscar Wilde says, "You can never be overdressed or overeducated." 

Anyway, since I am home, I have returned to work. If you don't know, I work at a music and movie store in the mall. Holiday season in retail is the most dreaded season ever. So, here I present to you, Confessions of a retail employee. The holiday season is stressful and we get tired and frustrated and you annoying customer do not make it any easier. As you might not guess, most of us who work in retail, we don't actually like people. Someone of the best may love their job, but have a grand distaste for people. I make this list sitting in Panera after a long day of work, so it might have more of a bite to it than if I had gotten off work a few hours ago.

Dear Customers,

We try the best we can... No really, unless you get a sucky employee, chances are, we are just trying to keep you happy. Because when you get grump, we get grumpy and that ruins our day. So please, be patient with us.

No, I cannot make an exception for you. This is especially relevant if you are talking to a basic store associate. If your goal is to skirt around the rules, then talk to a manager and maybe you'll get the nice one. But if you're talking to a seasonal employee, chances are they haven't worked there long and they aren't going to bend the rules for you because A. they don't know how and B. they want to keep their job.

DO NOT YELL AT ME. If you yell at me it will do nothing but piss me off and then I will get VERY sassy and then I will hand you over to my manager and she does not like it when customers yell at her people. With that, do not yell at my manager. She will ask you to leave. 

Lines are long everywhere, we apologize for the inconvenience and we appreciate you patience, but LINES ARE LONG EVERYWHERE. It sucks and its annoying, but no matter where you go, lines are long. So, do not think complaining will do anything but make me roll my eyes.

Please say thank you. Like I said, we are trying the best we can and we are working hard. Please be courteous and say thank you. It is polite and it makes us happy. When we are happy, we are nicer to you.

When our computers crash, it is not our fault. I am sorry that you are annoyed  but trust me, it is a much worse for us. Again, I repeat, it is not our fault. 

As you think that your life is so bad, please remember that we have to deal with at least 10 of you in an hour that think your life is so bad. Trust me when I say, its not as terrible as you think it is.

And lastly, oh please, piss me off. Take your best shot. Because I promise you, I will still have a smile on my face when I tell you that if you have that big of a problem, then you can shop somewhere else.

Sincerely, 
A Retail Employee